Genesis of Hope
by skipeeday
Summary: A story that really sucks, with an ultrairritating leading character and a whole lot of bad grammar.


**:With a hollow, wooden sound, the door slams against the wall and bounces back halfway, vibrating slightly. The pitch black room is flooded suddenly with a blinding light.**

**:An oddly shaped figure is silhouetted in the doorway; it appears to be a three-headed monster. But one head is much higher than the other two, and this one moves forward into the room. No longer as starkly backlit, the figure is now recognizable as a person. Behind him are two others, who now move forward to stand beside him again. The one closest to the doorway, with a head of bushy hair, steps to the side and flips a switch on the wall. A naked bulb hanging loosely from the ceiling sparks once and turns on.**

**:In the artificial light, the figures are now obviously Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger: the favorites of the Dread Pirate—:**

**RON: Alvilda! O Captain of this hunk of junk!**

**HERMIONE: Ron… We came here to stand up to her, not insult her.**

**  
RON: But the use of insults and put-downs brings up my self-esteem, and I need all the confidence I can get to stand up to her. She's scary!**

**HARRY: She's a pirate. She's _supposed_ to be scary.**

**HERMIONE: And this one's not what you'd call the cream of the crop. I don't think she's done any pirating in years. I don't think this ship has even left its dock since she bought it! Not that it would float too well…**

**RON: ALVILDA! Get in here, we've got something to say! I know you're here, Al—**

**:Somewhere in the depths of the ship, a door slams shut. Ron's eyes widen and he takes a half-step backwards, then collects himself and straightens up with a menacing look on his freckled face.**

**:Across the room from the trio's entrance, behind a decrepit couch and a projector machine, is another door. Heavy footsteps can be heard approaching from the other side of it. The doorknob turns slowly. Ron gulps loudly and gives a fake cough to cover it up.**

**:The door begins to open, very slowly… A pale, long-fingered hand emerges from the darkness behind the door, clutching the handle in a tight grip… Harry gives a squeaky gasp and takes many steps backwards, staring fixedly at the spidery hand…**

**:Quite suddenly, the door bursts open to reveal—Voldemort!**

**:Only…not quite. Harry, who has backed up to the wall and is shakily edging towards the open doorway, stops and stares at the horrible creature before him. It is wearing a long black cloak, and is tall—nearly as tall as a Dementor—but its face… It's _almost_ like Voldemort. Certainly the slitted nostrils and evil red eyes are there, but something doesn't look quite right.**

**:The evil creature thing moves forward slowly, making "oo-ooo" noises and waving its creepy spidery hands. There is a hollow _clunk_ with every footstep.: **

HERMIONE: Um… Excuse me, but are you supposed to be You-Kn—I mean, Voldemort?

**_DARK LORD THING:_ Oo-ooo! Fear me! (waving fingers in a creepy fashion)**

**HERMIONE: Al—Alvilda?**

**:At this name, the Dark Lord thing slumps its shoulders and gives a deep sigh. It appears to be wringing its spidery fingers… But then it takes off two strange, rubbery gloves, revealing rather normal hands. It then reaches up and peels off the strange Voldemort face.:**

**ALVILDA: See, that's the problem with being the only person living on this ship. Everyone knows who you are without even _trying_ to figure it out. And you're Hermione, so of course you had to be all smart and stuff. (she brightens) But isn't that the coolest mask? You have to see my Cornelius Fudge one, it came with a removable bowler hat!**

**HERMIONE: Er, maybe later… Ron has something to say, don't you Ron?**

**RON: (looking curiously at the mask) Oh! Yes. Er… Alvilda, we have decided to, er, refuse to come to your little, um, thingies…anymore…**

**:Alvilda gives him a death glare and he trails off into silence.:**

**HARRY: Or, y'know, we'll hang out with you and make fun of bad fanfiction.**

**ALVILDA: (smiling beatifically) Why, that sounds like a lovely idea, Harry! And afterwards, maybe I'll let you try on my masks. Oh, and HAPPY HALLOWEEN!**

**:Looking severely disappointed, Ron trudges to the dying couch and falls gloomily onto it. Clouds of dust poof out from the cushions, and a lone rat scampers squealing from under the couch. It disappears out the open door. Hermione and Harry join Ron on the couch, while Alvilda goes to shut the doors and turn out the single light bulb. As soon as the light goes off, a green glow coming from the screen in front of the couch becomes noticeable. There is a whirring sound, and the projector has been turned on. Alvilda sits comfortably in her director's chair and watches with satisfaction as text appears on the screen. Ron gives a little groan, which he quickly covers with another false cough. Everyone begins to read.:**

_Genesis of Hope_

_By Amber Dream_

_Well, I've started a new story, how foolish of me. I have others that I have yet to finish. Sighs Oh well. Anyway, some things about this story. Those who have read my 'Harry Potter and The Child Of Destiny' will recognise my original character, 'Melody Tarmaine'. (Also, a note about 'Child of Destiny', it's discontinued due to lack of inspiration. That story just wasn't going anywhere. Sorry to those who wanted to read more. Maybe you'll like this one better.) Now, back to this story. Yes, Melody Tarmaine is in this. She will probably be frequent in a couple of my other stories that I am planning. I happen to like this character very much and can see her in many of the stories I think of. _

_I don't know how often I will be able to update this story due to the fact that while I am on holidays, I have massive amounts of homework to do to prepare me for year 12 _

**HERMIONE: She's in year _twelve_? And she's still writing this crap?**

_Shudders And once holidays ends, well I have year 12 to worry about. So if updates take a while it's probably due to that. Also, I will try to finish this story. _

_Also, in note to an 'Amber Dleam' who happened to review me in 'The Child of Destiny', I do have a reply to your review. My dear, there are over 100,000 Harry Potter stories on you try to get some originality. It's extremely difficult. Once an original plot comes out, by the time you have read about three chapters, there seems to be 100 different variants to the actual story, each person borrowing a little bit from the plot and so forth. Come up with some slightly more creative criticism please._

**HERMIONE: But if it's so hard to be original with your stories, how can she be original with her criticism?**

**RON: What's onto the story. **

_P.S. It's a 5th year AU because I didn't really like OOTP. _

**HERMIONE: Well! That's just lovely. She can fully disregard the truth if it suits her better to make things up.**

_Chapter One-_

_As Harry boarded the train, he couldn't help but feel apprehensive about the new year. Voldemort was back and according to the Daily Prophet, everyone knew he was back._

**HARRY: It sounds a bit as though I'm apprehensive about everyone knowing Voldemort is back. Shouldn't I be a little more concerned about the Dark Lord man himself?**

_It seemed that, despite Fudge's botched attempts to cover up the dark activity happening, people could see what was happening and figured it out._

**HERMIONE: Ugh, it's not a good sign when we're getting grammatical errors in the first few sentences.**

_Voldemort was back, and the Light side_

**RON: Since when are we the "Light" side?**

**HARRY: What is this, Star Wars? "Harry, I am your father."**

**HERMIONE: Sadly, that's been done. Many times.**

_was in for a fight again._

_Harry sighed and carried his trunk into an empty compartment, where he opened the window and waited for Ron, Hermione and his owl, Hedwig._

**HARRY: Why was Hedwig with _them_?**

_Harry sighed again and ran his hands through his shoulder length, slightly wavy hair._

**HARRY: Um…WHAT?**

**HERMIONE: Ooh, you're such a _babe_, Harry!**

_He had changed over the holidays._

**RON: He's actually wearing fresh underwear now!**

_He let his hair grow out, so now it was manageable,_

**HERMIONE: Since when is hair easier to handle when it's _longer_?**

_he had grown about a foot taller,_

**HARRY: In one summer!**

_gotten contacts and his lean form had developed sinewy muscles,_

**HERMIONE: Is it just me, or is "sinewy" not much of an attractive adjective?**

_due to the fact that the Dursleys had enrolled Dudley in martial arts classes, and had enrolled him too, believing that if Dudley had an opportunity to beat up Harry, he would get fitter._

**HERMIONE: …not quite following this…_who_ would get fitter?**

_Harry grinned as he realised that it hadn't worked._

**HERMIONE: So Harry's still fat?**

**HARRY: Hey!**

_While Dudley had gotten stronger and thinner, he didn't have the natural ability like Harry did._

**HARRY: Well if the pig lost some weight, sounds like it worked to me.**

**RON: But you've got the _natural ability_, Harry. That means everything.**

_Suddenly the door opened and in walked two students, a male and a female._

**HERMIONE: What's wrong with "a boy and a girl"?**

_The male had bright red hair and a gangly appearance about him,_

**RON: What, didn't _I_ become a hunk over the summer?**

_while the female had bushy brown hair, and was carrying some textbooks._

**HERMIONE: Oh, great, sum up the stereotype of my personality in one simple description.**

"_Oh, sorry. We thought it was empty." Said the girl as she turned to leave._

**HARRY: Oh, thanks. Now you hate me for no reason.**

**HERMIONE: Probably those raging hormones. Teenage drama is TEH WOE!**

_Harry raised an eyebrow at her. He knew he had changed, but that much? "Gee thanks Hermione, nice to know you remember me too." He said sarcastically, and was rewarded when the female spun around to stare at him._

**HERMIONE: Okay, doesn't that just sound like a bad Jeff Corwin episode? "The female is turning to sniff me out now…watch how big her eyes get as she tries to take everything in!"**

"_Who are you?" she asked suspiciously._

**RON: Wow Hermione, you're really dumb in this story.**

_Harry rolled his eyes. "This from the girl who told me she knew all about me when we were introduced." _

_Hermione's eyes widened. "Harry?" she asked in a squeak._

**HERMIONE: "The female is so surprised that she's begun making the customary 'squeak' noises of her breed…"**

_He lifted his hair away from his face to show the lightning shaped scar that marked his appearance. "The one and only." He said with a grin._

_Suddenly, he caught up in a huge hug from both Hermione and the male, Ron._

**HERMIONE: "The male, who until now has been mostly shy and quiet in the background, moves forward to make his acquaintance with me…"**

"_How've you been mate? Ron asked._

"_You've changed." Hermione breathed,_

**HERMIONE: You're right, Ron. It _is_ much easier to breathe now that he's wearing fresh undies!**

**HARRY: Hey!**

**RON: Too bad he hasn't grown out of the Superman phase yet.**

**HARRY: Whoa, _that's_ going too far. Superman was _awesome_.**

_looking over him._

_Harry shrugged. "I've been fine, going stir crazy, but fine." He grinned at them. "I heard you both are prefects."_

_While Ron blushed awkwardly, Hermione looked proud. "Yeah we did and we're going to have to go to the prefect compartment later, just to find out what to do."_

"_And don't worry mate, I won't turn out like Percy." Ron said, trying assure Harry, though it seemed more like he was trying to assure himself._

_Suddenly, a white blur flew in through the window and landed on Harry's shoulder. It was his owl, Hedwig._

**HARRY: Again, I have to wonder why she was loose in the train station in the first place.**

"_Hey Hedwig." He said, stroking the owl lovingly._

_The owl hooted in response, and gently nipped his ear._

_Before he could say anything else, the train gave a sudden lurch, and they were on their way._

_Harry was looking at the chessboard in disgust. Ron and Hermione had just gotten back from the prefect compartment and had told him that Malfoy was a prefect too. That had soured his mood tremendously, and now, he was playing chess and was loosing spectacularly. _

**HERMIONE: Loosing what? Pixies?**

_Suddenly the compartment door opened._

"_Well, well, well. Who would have thought it? The great Harry Potter isn't a prefect this year. What a shame." Came a cold, sneering tone. It was Malfoy._

**HARRY: No shit, Sherlock.**

**HERMIONE: Honestly, there must be some way to describe him without mentioning his sneer.**

**RON: And can you really have a "sneering tone"?**

_Harry groaned. He didn't have the patience to deal with him today. "Is there anything you wanted to say in particular Malfoy, or did you just come here to be annoying?"_

**RON: Ooh, harsh one, Harry. That'll put him in his place for sure.**

_He asked._

_Malfoy drew himself up and was about to say something, when Harry stood, towering over the smaller boy, his emerald eyes hard._

**HERMIONE: Like diamonds! Only…green.**

"_Dementors." He said softly, his hand reaching into his robes to pull out his wand. _

**RON: I don't think that's going to scare him much, Harry.**

_Stalking past Malfoy, he moved towards the back of the train. Stepping out if the last compartment, he snarled,_

**HARRY: So I've become an animal over the summer, too?**

_spotting the twenty Dementors on the train tracks behind them._

**HERMIONE: And he's not fainting…why?**

**RON: Cause he has a _natural ability_, duh!**

_Concentrating on a happy memory, he was about to call out the spell to dispel the Dementors, when another voice beat him to it._

"_EXPECTO PATRONUM!" A voice yelled._

**HERMIONE: This person REALLY needs to learn how to punctuate after quotation marks. It's starting to piss me off.**

_Harry spun around to spy a figure on top of the compartment, their black robes swirling about them in the wind._

**HERMIONE: I thought there was only one figure?**

_Turning back, he saw a slightly golden figure drive off the Dementors._

**RON: …aren't Patronuses usually silvery-white?**

**HERMIONE: Of course they are. That's obviously not a proper Patronus.**

_After the Dementors had disappeared, the golden Patronus_

**HARRY: Apparently it is.**

_trotted back and Harry could see that it was a unicorn._

**HERMIONE: Oh, sweet mother of—can't these authors get some _imagination_?**

_**The Patronus nodded its head at the figure above it, and the figure returned the gesture, before the Patronus disappeared.**_

**HARRY: Since when do Patronuses hang out to have little head-bob chats with their makers? Mine never stays long enough, am I just not that special?**

**HERMIONE: Unfortunately, that's probably exactly right.**

"_You best get back inside Mr. Potter. I expect the train is going to be on its way soon." _

**HARRY: We're already on our way! It said the train lurched forward and stuff…it was all right up there!**

_The figure said, before disappearing._

_Harry was sitting at the Gryffindor table with Ron and Hermione, talking about the mysterious stranger._

"_It was strange. That person knew who I was, yet you guys didn't and their Patronus was a slightly golden colour."_

**HERMIONE: If that's not the worst sentence in this story, I don't think I want to see any more.**

_Harry said, as he waited for the first years to enter._

"_But Patroni are only ever silver, are you sure it was gold?" Hermione asked._

**HERMIONE: Couldn't have been me. I use the _proper_ words for things.**

_Harry nodded. "I know what I saw." He said firmly and was about to say more when the Great Hall doors opened and in walked the new first years, looking nervous as ever._

_When the final person was sorted, Xerri, John,_

**RON: I've never heard of a kid with so mismatched a name.**

_Dumbledore stood, his presence calling everyone's attention to him._

"_First of all, I would like to welcome you all to another year at Hogwarts. For those who are new, I welcome you to the beginning of your formal_

**ALL: snort**

_magical education. Now, I would like to let all first years know that the Forbidden Forest is as its names suggests, forbidden. Secondly, while all Hogsmeade weekends are still on, no one above the third year can attend,_

**HARRY: That's a new one.**

**RON: Who _can_ go, then? Just the teachers?**

**HERMIONE: And the third years, obviously.**

_and all trips will be supervised by several professors, due to Voldemort's return. Thirdly, Voldemort is back_

**HARRY: Dumbledore is getting rather forgetful in his old age. Doesn't he realize he just said that?**

_and he is regaining his power. Hogwarts will forever be a safe haven from him, so if you have any concerns, please speak to your head of house." He took a breath. "Now, onto the new Defence professor. As you can see, your new Defence professor isn't here yet, but will be here on time for classes. Now, all I have to say is, eat up." And with that, the tables filled with food._

**HERMIONE: That's got to be the worst start-of-term speech ever.**

"_I wonder who the new Defence professor is?" Neville wondered._

"_Maybe the position is really cursed." Commented Parvati._

"_Don't be silly." Hermione snapped._

_Harry glanced up at the Staff Table and noticed that Snape was looking particularly put out. "Look at Snape." He whispered._

_Hermione and Ron glanced up at the table, then looked back at Harry._

_Ron grinned. "If Snape doesn't like them, maybe they'll be a good teacher."_

**RON: Okay, even I know the difference between _singular_ and _plural_.**

_Harry shook his head. "Remember Lockhart?"_

_Ron groaned. "Ok, as long as it's not another prat like Lockhart."_

_Suddenly the doors burst open and in strode a figure clad in black, their commanding presence drawing all eyes to them._

**HERMIONE: Okay, if the author does that _one more time_…I'll seriously harm "them".**

_Harry stared at the figure. "That's them. _

**HERMIONE: AAEEAUGH:She tears at her hair and clenches her teeth to stop from screaming any louder.:**

_The person with the golden patronus." He whispered urgently._

_Hermione and Ron stared at the newcomer curiously._

_The person bowed to Dumbledore, their face hidden from view by a black hood. "I apologise for being late. I had to make sure that those Dementors were far away from the school."_

"_That's fine, my dear." Dumbledore said grandly. "Have a seat." He offered, waving out his hand and pointing to the only free seat in the hall, the one beside Snape._

_The figure nodded and sat beside Snape, the hood still covering their face._

"_May I introduce your new Defence Against The Dark Arts professor, Professor Tarmaine." At the small claps, Tarmaine merely nodded at the students._

_As the students went back to eating, occasionally casting curious glances at their cloaked professor, Tarmaine turned and looked at Snape._

"_I wonder how they will react when I reveal that I am a woman?_

**HERMIONE: Oh, gasp! Women in the workplace, what a shocker!**

_My guess is that the majority of them have never had a female teach them about the Dark Arts."_

**HERMIONE: Your guess is wrong. In fact, in _Hogwarts, A History_ there is a list from the—**

**RON: No one cares, Hermione.**

_She grinned, though Snape didn't see it._

"_It should be interesting to see how they treat you, considering your age. How did you manage to convince the ministry to allow you to teach?"_

**HERMIONE: What, is she old and knobbly too? Past retirement age? Because no one wants to see an old woman still _working_, that's just _offensive_.**

_Snape asked curiously._

_Tarmaine's smile grew, and her eyes lit up, somehow showing through the dark shadows of her cloak, like two brilliant amber lights._

**RON: Um…CREEPY!**

**HARRY: Ooh, I bet it's Voldemort's snake or something in disguise.**

"_I didn't convince them. Neither did Albus. He just did as he usually does. He ignored them. And when they come to complain, I'll just ask them if they know someone better to teach them about Voldemort. They'll all be too shocked at the fact that I said his name, that they won't care that I'm teaching them."_

**HERMIONE: Oh, for the love of—**

_Snape laughed, drawing many shocked and curious stares to him. "That should be fun to watch. You really so like to confuse those pompous idiots, don't you?"_

_Tarmaine nodded. "Of course. They're so easy to confuse though, so it takes out part of the fun. Where's the fun if it's not a challenge?_

**HARRY: The arrogance is overwhelming. Since when is such a better-than-you-all attitude considered admirable?**

**RON: Or attractive?**

_Oh and Severus? I think your reputation has either been shot to hell, or the student body is going to come up with a theory that I'm as depraved _

**HERMIONE: No…it's not possible… Omigosh, an almost _difficult_ word, used in proper context!**

**RON: If by "difficult" you mean "eighth grade".**

_and evil as you are." Tarmaine laughed softly, her eyes lighting even more._

_Snape shuddered a fake shudder._

**HARRY: Somehow I can't see Snape doing a fake anything. His sarcasm is more the cruel, biting kind.**

"_Just enter the classroom with those glowing eyes of yours and they'll consider you Voldemort's right hand man."_

"_Woman, don't you mean?"_

_They both laughed again, this time softly._

**RON: I'm slightly afraid.**

**HARRY: Honestly. The last thing we need at Hogwarts is an ally for Snape.**

_Harry stared up at the staff table when he heard Snape laugh. He smiled softly. 'At least this one he approves of. Maybe we'll learn something.'_

**HARRY: Since when do I take Snape's opinion of anyone to mean _anything_? If he approves of the new teacher, chances are I'll hate him or her!**

_Ron suddenly jabbed him in the ribs, and Harry had to repress the urge to spin around and throw him._

**RON: Whoa, you've gotten touchy over the summer.**

_Although he hadn't had many martial arts lessons, some of his instincts were hard to control._

"_What?" He asked, looking at Ron who had his mouth open._

"_Snape, he laughed!" He whispered._

**HARRY: Oh, gasp! The world has ceased to turn!**

_Harry rolled his eyes. "And congratulations to him. If he can find something funny in these times, then good for him. Life is going to get harder." Harry's eyes took on a haunted gleam, but he shook his head._

**HERMIONE: A bit overly serious this evening, aren't we?**

"_Oh, and Ron? Please don't just jab at me, ok? I might have a different reaction to it than usual."_

**HERMIONE: Okay, no. If he's been studying the martial arts, he'll have quicker reflexes but will be much _more_ controlled. He'd never hit Ron just because he jabbed him in the ribs.**

**RON: And can you get any more arrogant! Being condescending isn't the way to keep your friends, Harry.**

_Harry warned, but noticed that Ron was still staring at Snape. He sighed and went back to his dinner, never noticing the amber eyes that perused his movements _

**HARRY: Man, that's _creepy_!**

'_So, you are the one._

**HARRY: Neo. You must save the world, Neo. I am your father.**

**RON: …I am so lost.**

_The one with the hidden magic that sings to me. So similar to me, yet so not. So much pain that I can't heal.' She thought to herself as she watched his movements._

**HARRY: She's stalking me! Ew!**

_He moved with a predatory grace that she knew he hadn't moved with the years before._

**HARRY: She's _been_ stalking me? For how long!**

**HERMIONE: And you were right about turning animal over the summer. _Predatory grace_, indeed.**

'_Should be interesting to see how his powers shall be unleashed.'_

**HERMIONE: I wonder how many Harry-is-beast touches are _in_ this story.**

_She grinned and began to eat, knowing that his class should be interesting._

"_I've just had a thought." Snape commented to her, and ignored the amused snort he heard come from her cloak. "That's not very nice." He admonished._

**HERMIONE: Ugh, he's being _cutesy_. Plus, responding to something is pretty much the opposite of ignoring it.**

"_I'm not a very nice person Severus." She pointed out._

_He smirked. "Which is why I like you so much._

**RON: No. Snape doesn't like anyone. Period.**

_Now, as I was saying. I don't think my Slytherins are going to be too happy being taught by someone who is younger than some of them."_

**RON: So much for your old women in the workplace, Hermione.**

**HERMIONE: It was a lost cause, anyway. Old people don't exist in fanfiction; they have, like, _wrinkles_ and stuff!**

**RON: Except Dumbledore. He doesn't have so much _wrinkles_ as _twinkles_—in his eyes, I mean.**

_She shrugged. "That's why, while you can give out detentions and take points away, I can do more, like show them just what I can do. Don't worry though. I won't hurt them too much." She grinned. "I'm also thinking that I should start a duelling class_

**HARRY: Oh, no. She _is_ another Lockhart!**

**HERMIONE: Probably more than we think. There will doubtless be long descriptions of her hair color and her stunning good looks.**

_and a class where you learn more than just magic as a defence. What do you think?"_

_Severus looked at her shocked. "You're going to make them grow up early."_

**RON: Somehow I don't think this would shock Snape so much as send him into giddy happiness.**

_Her eyes hardened. "I was thinking of not including those from the third year down. That way, some of them can still have a childhood._

**HERMIONE: Aw, she's a self-proclaimed meanie _and_ a little ol' softie!**

_Besides, it will be optional, and also, I will have an advanced class where they will only get to if I think they are ready."_

_Severus winced inwardly. 'Oops, struck a nerve.'_

**HERMIONE: No, no. You're getting it all wrong! When Snape sees that he's "struck a nerve," he milks it for all it's worth. He's a _Slytherin_.**

**RON: Not to mention an utter prick.**

"_I think it will be good. You won't just teach them by yourself, will you?"_

_She shook her head. "No, I won't. I have every intention of having you, for both duelling and non-magic, and two others for duelling."_

"_Why does that 'two others' sound ominous?" Severus asked suspiciously._

**HERMIONE: It didn't, until you pointed it out.**

_Her eyes twinkled mischievously._

**RON: Hey! That's Dumbledore's bit!**

"_I don't know what you're talking about."_

_Severus simply groaned._

_Upon entering her room, she looked around it with pleasure. 'Her own room in how many years?' She thought to herself._

**HERMIONE: She thinks about herself in the third person?**

'_Eight.' She thought._

**HARRY: Well, that's decisive.**

_Removing her cloak, she stroked the material gently. The last thing her parents had given her, before they had been killed._

**HERMIONE: Cue summary of the painful past…_now_!**

_She sighed. She was the last of a old and influential family. Her entire family, over fifty people, some muggles, some squibs, some magical, had all been killed in less than an hour. All of them. Right before her eyes. It had been the deaths of her two younger sisters that had released the magic of the unicorn from inside her._

**RON: The—the magic— (he falls off the couch laughing)**

_The mark of her power had been on her left hand, but after the incident, the mark had moved itself to situate itself above her left breast._

**HARRY: Oh, man, I wish _my_ scar would do that! I'd put it someplace where people wouldn't _ever _see it.**

**RON: Like in your pants?**

_The incident. She hated to think about it almost as much as she hated to think about the murder of her family. After the deaths of her family, she had been moved to another family, a cousin of hers,_

**HERMIONE: I thought her _whole_ family was killed. Unless that meant only the immediates, in which case fifty seems quite a large amount of brothers and sisters.**

_named Kayleen, that hated her family simply because of her aunt, Kayleen's mother. Kayleen had hated her mother and had therefore transferred that hate to everyone who associated with her. _

**RON: …did that make sense to any of you?**

_Upon her arrival at Kayleen's house, she had been thrown outside, where it had rained for about three days straight. Then, on Christmas, she had been invited in._

**HARRY: Hey, they're better than the Dursleys already! Recognizing Christmas as a special time, and all.**

_Delusional with fever, brought on by the cold, she had been unaware of the trap she had walked into. Blackness engulfed her and when she came to, it was due to an excruciating pain in her hands. Opening her eyes, she found herself crucified, steel stakes through her hands, and barbed wire wrapped around her head._

**HERMIONE: …_what!_**

_She was there for three days before she escaped, and over those three days, she had been beaten and whipped with barbed wire._

**HERMIONE: What is she, Jesus reincarnated? There isn't even anything _subtle_ about the comparison!**

_Her back and upper torso were littered with scars, and her hands had almost been destroyed, but thanks to the unicorn magic within her,_

**(RON begins laughing again)**

_she was able to heal herself, but the wounds still left scars that she covered with a concealing charm._

**HERMIONE: Which will undoubtedly be removed by Harry in a painful, sensual process sometime later in the story.**

_The unicorn magic. People had known she would come, long before she had been born. The Unicorn Child, the child with great power who, with the Lightning Child,_

**HARRY: Wonder who _that_ could be?**

_would defeat an evil unlike any other evil before. That's how she was referred to. The Unicorn. She was Melody Tarmaine, the Unicorn._

**RON: Shall we call her Professor Unicorn then?**

"_What do you think was up with Snape? He laughed!" Ron exclaimed inside the Gryffindor common room._

_Harry shook his head. "You're not over that yet?"_

"_But its Snape! How could Snape know how to laugh?" Ron continued to exclaim._

**HERMIONE: "Exclaim" is one of those words that should be used _extremely_ sparingly. Seeing as it describes a punctuation mark and all.**

_Harry rolled his eyes. "Enough already. Snape laughed. We all saw it, we all heard it, yet you seem to be the only one so completely shocked by it. You've exhausted the topic of Snape laughing."_

**RON: Wow, you're really nice to your friends in this story, Harry.**

**HERMIONE: Must be those animal instincts you gained over the summer.**

_Ron stared at Harry shocked. "What's up with you? This is Snape we're talking about!"_

_Harry grabbed Ron's arm and pulled him over to a corner, being followed by Hermione. "I'm happy for him. Happy that he could find something to laugh about." Ron was about to say something, but Harry ruthlessly cut him off. "I don't care if it's Snape. He's lucky that he can find something to laugh about, especially with what he has to witness at night."_

**RON: His own reflection in the mirror?**

"_What do you mean?" Hermione asked curiously._

"_He's a spy for Dumbledore. A spy within Voldemort's circle." He said softly._

**HERMIONE: Wow, _that's_ a revelation. Especially after all the blatantly obvious clues that have been hitting us over the heads for the past few _years_.**

"_How do you know?" Ron asked suspiciously. _

_Harry glared at him. "What, think I'm a Death Eater, huh?_

**RON: Um…no?**

_Remember the scar? The scar that links me to Voldemort? The one that allows me to see him torturing innocent people, killing them and otherwise destroying people's lives? I've been having dreams all summer." Harry snapped. "And Snape has been there, saving those he could, while trying to convince Voldemort he's on their side. Want to know what Voldemort's loyalty test consists of? You're put under the Cruciatus. Snape was tortured for three hours, with 30 second breaks to prevent him from going mad." He looked at Ron and Hermione's horrified faces. "And I felt it all." He said, before walking off to the fifth year dorms._

**HERMIONE: And that sums up the tone of the story, folks. The author is simultaneously in lust with Harry, Snape, and this Unicorn creature, and has decided in her deluded mind that pain is sexy. All characters deemed "hot" by this author will surely undergo (or have already undergone) immense physical and emotional trauma before the story is over, so that we readers may feel horrible sympathy for them and fall in love with their courage for standing up to this terrible pain and stress.**

**RON: Wow.**

**HARRY: Yeah. I think you nailed it.**

**RON: And it sounds…pretty useless.**

_Melody smiled to herself as she prepared for her class. It was seventh years from both Gryffindor and Ravenclaw._

_She grinned, knowing that the pranksters of the school were in this class._

**HERMIONE: You'd think most teachers would really _not_ like the "pranksters". Wouldn't it get really old after a while to have kids interrupting class all the time? I mean, that's why discipline _exists_ in school.**

_Her grin grew as she heard the rush of feet outside the class, and saw two redheads peek in the room cautiously. She laughed silently as she quickly placed a invisibility charm on herself, and watched as the twins rigged her desk._

_As they crept out of the room, she banished the spells they had placed on her desk, after replicating them and adding the twins magical signature as the trigger to them and placed them on every desk in the room. She grinned, knowing that whatever desk they sat at, the spells would be activated, leaving them flashing bright colours. If anyone else sat at the desk, they wouldn't be affected seeing as they had a different magical signature to the twins._

**RON: …_what_?**

**HERMIONE: Magical signature, Ron. Duh.**

_She left the room and returned to her office to grab a few things before returning to the classroom, where laughter was emanating. Pulling the cloak over her face more, she entered the room to see that the twins were flashing green and red._

**HARRY: Yay, Christmas came early this year!**

_She placed the things on her desk, and waited for everyone's attention to be on her. She didn't have to wait long, her commanding presence silencing everyone there as they took their seats._

_She looked at the Weasley Twins. "And that, Mr and Mr Weasley,_

**RON: That makes them sound far too much like a married couple.**

_is what happens when you try to prank me. Don't try it again." She warned._

_The two boys looked down, blushing slightly, the blush only showing up when they flashed green._

_Mel took out her wand and waved it over the two boys, removing the charm. She then looked at her class. "Alright, I am your Defence teacher for this year. Now, as to who I am, well, we'll see how you react, then we'll worry about other things afterwards." And with that, Mel lowered her hood, revealing her youthful face._

_The entire classroom erupted in shouts of shock._

**HARRY: She's _youthful_!**

**RON: Oh my stars and garters!**

**HERMIONE: However will we _handle_ it?**

"_I'll have silence now!" She cried, but the seventh years ignored her. Sighing, she waved her wand and silenced the entire class, a feat for one her age._

**HERMIONE: I almost forgot to add: the "favorite" characters of this author will also have extraordinary powers in…everything. Hence the magical eyes and super-special golden Patronus.**

**RON: And Harry's _natural ability_!**

**HERMIONE: You're catching on.**

"_Alright. You've had your turn of shock. Now you'll listen." She looked to some of the Ravenclaw students trying to remove the charm. "Good luck removing that charm. The only person in the entire school who can do that it me. Not even Dumbledore can._

**HARRY: I desperately hope you're wrong, Hermione. Reading about how perfectly powerful this chick is will get old _very_ fast.**

_Now to the reason of why I can do this is simple. My full name is Melody Tarmaine." She rolled her eyes at the looks of shock she got. "I'll remove the charm now, so you all better be quiet." She waved her wand again._

_One of the Gryffindor students raised her hand. "You're the Unicorn?" She asked, awe already on her face._

**RON: Professor Unicorn! I was right!**

_Mel nodded wearily, and showed them the fake mark on her hand. (She had created a glamour over her hand to have the mark, instead of showing everyone her right breast)_

**RON: I thought it was her left?**

**HARRY: A little fixated on her breasts, are we?**

**RON: Actually, I don't find the milk-producing glands of a horse-like creature to be all that appealing.**

_Everyone gasped in shock._

"_Ok, now that I have your attention,_

**HERMIONE: You already had it when you cast the stupid silencing spell.**

_I'm going to tell you now. This year is going to be the toughest year of Defence that you'll ever have, and its not because of the NEWTs. It's because I shall work you harder than most of your teachers because what I'll teach you will help you survive in these times. Voldemort's back, people, and he's gaining power fast._

**RON: We know. Dumbledore told us almost exactly that—**

**HARRY: —twice!—**

**RON: —at the start-of-term feast.**

_This is life now. Get used to it." She stopped to see how people were reacting. Overall, they looked shocked._

**HERMIONE: Because what she said was oh-so-shocking.**

"_Alright, first lesson. What are the Dark Arts?"_

**HERMIONE: Oh, _lovely _way to start out seventh year Defense class. A proper teacher wouldn't be wasting all this time, if things are really as pressing as they seem…**

_A Ravenclaw snorted, bringing her attention to him._

"_Yes? What are the Dark Arts?" She asked him._

_He quavered a little under her look, then looked prideful. "Dark magic, of course."_

_She shook her head. "No. The Dark Arts aren't dark magic. Anyone else?" No one else made a noise. "The Dark Arts are not the actual magic, but the purpose and intention behind the spells. A Wingardium Leviosa can be considered dark, or an engorgement charm." Mel broke off because of the laughs echoing through the class. "Enough!" She shouted, gaining silence immediately. "You think because they are first year spells that they aren't dangerous? Alright, picture this if you will. A wizard places a Wingardium Leviosa on a child of three. Now at that age, their bones are soft. Abruptly, he breaks the spell of and the child falls, resulting in broken bones, or death, depending on the landing. Or an engorgement charm. A witch places an engorgement charm on someone's heart and it bursts. Not a pleasant way to die. Think it's so funny now?" She asked sharply, noticing the pale faces._

_Everyone shook their heads. _

"_Now I want you to write down your own definition of the Dark Arts,_

**HERMIONE: Which will all be identical to yours, since you've just made obvious exactly what you expect to hear.**

_and for homework I want you to read the first two chapters of your text book and take notes on them. Also, I shall be seeing if I can start up two new classes that shall be completely optional to those of the fourth year up. Once I have gained permission, I'll tell you about them and when you can sign up for them. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask me about them, whether it be during class or afterwards." All the students were quiet as they worked. "I'd also like for you not to mention to anyone who I am, seeing as I'd like to see their reactions myself._

**HERMIONE: You mean you want the shock factor that makes you feel oh-so-special.**

_I will be telling this to the other classes that I have as well. Also, Messrs Weasley, I'd like to see you after class."_

_At the end of the class, the students left, aware of the fact that they weren't to speak of the lesson to anyone._

_When the Weasley twins remained, Mel stood and walked over to them. "Alright you two. Now I don't mind pranks, after all, I am fifteen._

**HARRY: That's a little younger than is necessary, don't you think?**

**HERMIONE: Of course not. If she were any older, she couldn't hook up with you. Older women with younger guys is just _wrong_.**

**RON: _So _much more wrong than teachers with students.**

_But, I will not tolerate them this year during my classes. I have to teach you and I don't want to be distracted. Now, I'm assuming that you pranked me because I got along with Severus, since I know you didn't prank any of the other Defence teachers._

**RON: I find that very hard to believe. I'm pretty sure they even pulled a few on Lupin, and certainly _Lockhart_ wasn't out of their range…**

_Am I right?"_

_Both the boys nodded, and Mel sighed. "He's not as bad as you think. He has to be cruel and mean towards Gryffindors and biased towards Slytherins. I won't explain to you why, but know that he has to._

**HERMIONE: Ooh, nice cop-out. The author doesn't have to come up with an explanation for Snape's cruelty until it's convenient for her!**

**HARRY: Or she could just leave it out altogether. As if anyone would read far enough to remember that there's supposed to be a reason.**

_Alright?"_

_Again the two boys nodded._

"_Now, you may go, but remember not to tell anyone."_

_The two boys left quickly and moved off towards the Great Hall for lunch._

_Mel entered not long after them, her hood back up over her face. Taking her seat beside Severus, she poured herself a cup of coffee and grabbed a chicken salad sandwich. _

**RON: I have _never_ seen that on the Hogwarts tables.**

**HERMIONE: Sounds like a Pepper Jack Cheese moment to me.**

_Ignoring the looks she received from the students, she drank her coffee, her long elegant fingers curling around the cup._

"_So, who did you have first?" Severus asked. _

"_Seventh years. Ravenclaw and Gryffindor."_

"_So you had the Weasley twins. Did you survive?_

**HARRY: No, this is actually my ghost drinking coffee with long, elegant fingers.**

**HERMIONE: Underneath the cloak, you wouldn't really be able to tell, would you?**

_And do tell me why your seventh years are looking at you with fear and why they won't talk about your class."_

_She grinned. "They tried to rig my desk, but I happened to be in the room while they were doing it so I simply transferred it to their desks. Also, I asked my last class not to tell anyone about who I was, and I think I changed their perspective on how to view the Dark Arts. It was rather interesting."_

"_Interesting, my dear?_

**RON: I don't think "dear" is in Snape's vocabulary.**

**HERMIONE: Yes, he begins all his letters with "Hey, you!"**

_I'm surprised none of them ran out of the room, screaming. You sure did scare them." _

**HARRY: She wasn't that scary!**

**HERMIONE: She wasn't even that _impressive_.**

**RON: Or interesting.**

_Dumbledore commented._

"_So you were in there. I thought you were." She said, grinning as she recalled what she said about Dumbledore not being able to remove the silencing charm. Her eyes lit up more as she remembered feeling more than one person trying to break the charm. "Now, now Albus. You shouldn't interrupt a person when they're teaching. Did the fact that you couldn't break my spell annoy you?"_

**HARRY: Curse her, Dumbledore! Blast her out of this century!**

_She asked innocently, laughing at the irritated look on his face. "I guess it did. I rarely lie Albus. You know that."_

_Severus laughed. "I've waited a long time to see someone get one over you Albus. I must admit, it is both gratifying and humiliating."_

_A group of questioning eyes looked at him. He snorted. "You all can't sit there and tell me you've all wanted to see someone trip him up. The only person who would get away with telling me that is Hagrid." Hagrid blushed slightly. "Now it's gratifying to know that Albus is indeed human, but humiliating because if you really think about it, the person who tripped him up was a fifteen year old." He said the last part softly._

_The other professors agreed with him and laughed at Albus's face._

**HERMIONE: That was the most out-of-character I have ever seen Snape written.**

**HARRY: Same goes for all the other teachers. Whatever happened to Dumbledore's hidden boiling anger? He must have the patience of a saint to put up with this irritating child.**

**RON: Not to mention a real desperate need for a new Defense teacher.**

"_So, how was Defence?" Ron asked his brothers._

_They looked at each other, then looked up at the staff table. _

"_It was….very enlightening." Fred said slowly._

"_Yes." George agreed. "What do you have next?"_

"_Defence, with the Slytherins." Ron said in disgust. "What are the odds that the teacher will favour the Slytherins too?"_

_George looked serious for a moment. "Not very high. I doubt Professor Tarmaine will favour anyone. Professor Tarmaine is…."_

"_I'm what, Mr Weasley?"_

_Mel was laughing with the other professors when she noticed Fred and George glance up at her._

"_Who do you have next?" Minerva asked._

"_Fifth years. Gryffindor and Slytherins." Was the answer as she watched the Weasley twins._

"_Good luck. I seriously doubt that the Slytherins will have much respect for you." Minerva continued._

"_I'm make them have respect._

**HARRY: Ooh, bring it _on_, bitch!**

**HERMIONE: I tend to not respect anyone who can'tproperly create simple sentence structuresin his or her native language.**

_I've managed the seventh year Gryffindors and Ravenclaws, I'll manage fifth years."_

"_The main one you'll have trouble with is Mr Malfoy." Severus said softly._

_Mel's eyes lit up. "A Malfoy? He'll learn to respect me quickly if he doesn't want to see me angry."_

**HERMIONE: Be careful, Malfoy, she might throw a temper tantrum.**

"_He'll try to threaten you with his father's influence." Severus warned._

"_Let him try. If Lucius Malfoy wants to live, if only for a little longer, he'll not get in the way of me teaching. Besides, when he finds out exactly who I am, he'll run back to Voldemort, scared." She turned her gaze to Severus. "Be careful once you're summoned. He'll be pissed off that you didn't tell him about me. Tell him that I'm under Albus's protection or something. Ok?"_

_Severus nodded, and Mel got up. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to prevent my identity becoming common knowledge before I want it to."_

_And with that, Mel walked over to the Gryffindor table._

"_Not very high. I doubt Professor Tarmaine will favour anyone. Professor Tarmaine is…."_

"_I'm what, Mr Weasley?" Mel asked George._

_George gulped. "A very good teacher Professor."_

_Mel nodded. "Kind of you to say so." She looked at Ron, Hermione and Harry. "I'll see you lot in class. Oh, and Mr Ronald Weasley, I do think I'll be a better professor than Lockhart was." And with that, Mel left, leaving Ron gaping after her._

"_How did…." Ron started, but Hermione shriek cut him off._

"_We better go, or we're going to be late."_

**HERMIONE: I _shrieked_ about being late to class? No. Too far even for me.**

_Inside the classroom, Mel was organising the class, awaiting the arrival of the fifth years._

_Suddenly, the door burst open and in rushed Hermione, followed by Harry and Ron._

"_Look Hermione, we weren't late. The Professor isn't even here." Ron snapped, as he caught his breath._

"_Oh, I beg to differ, Mr Weasley." Mel said from behind him, causing him to jump._

"_Where the bloody hell did you come from?" He asked, in his shock._

"_Language Mr Weasley. And I've been in the room since I left the Great Hall." Mel replied, her tone turning steely._

**HARRY: You know, even though she's more _powerful_ than we are, that doesn't make her _wiser_. As our teacher she deserves our respect, but as a fifteen year old, you'd think she'd be a little less authoritative about the way she addresses us.**

_Ron blushed. "Sorry Professor. You just gave me a shock."_

_Mel nodded, then turned her gaze to Harry. "Mr Potter, we meet again. I congratulate you for your bravery. Most fully licensed wizards are wary of going against twenty Dementors."_

**HERMIONE: I'm beginning to wonder if that was more bravery or stupidity.**

_Harry looked at her. "You did."_

**HERMIONE: I guess that would be stupidity, then.**

_She shrugged and with a mischievous grin, said "Whoever said I was fully licensed?"_

_While they looked shocked,_

**HARRY: Why is it that the tiniest, most meaningless remarks seem to send the students into such shock?**

**RON: She'll be in big trouble with Madam Pomfrey before the day is over if she keeps this up.**

_she motioned for them to take a seat as the rest of the class poured in._

"_Alright people. I'm hoping you lot will cope a little better than the seventh years. If you don't, well then, you'll see." Mel then removed her hood and was greeted by the same shocked exclamations from the majority of the Gryffindors and outraged cries from the Slytherins. _

_Only Harry wasn't effected. 'Now it makes sense.' He thought to himself as he watched Mel, despite the chaos erupting around him. 'What's she going to do now?' He wondered._

**HERMIONE: Prove how amazingly cool she is, of course.**

_Mel looked at Harry and grinned, her eyes glowing. Taking out her wand she waved it, casting the same silencing spell that she had cast on the seventh year. Instantly silence ensured. _

"_Now I know what you meant, Professor." Harry said calmly, ignoring the looks sent his way by the silenced students._

**RON: Whoa, he's getting special attention from the teacher and they're not even sleeping together yet!**

_Hermione had taken out her wand and was trying to counter the spell when Mel commanded their attention._

"_Now that you are all silent, I'll explain a few things. Number one, for those who are trying to break the spell," She glanced at Hermione who was blushing. "I wish you all the best of luck, but offer my condolences at your impending failure. You won't be able to break it. The seventh years before you couldn't and neither could Dumbledore, who incidentally, is in this room trying his damnedest to break it. You can come out now Albus." Mel called, and an instant later Albus Dumbledore stood in the room. "Now, may I teach my class without adult supervision?" She asked, sneering slightly._

**HERMIONE: Somehow I don't think it's wise to diminish the students' respect for their headmaster. It will hardly do much for the smooth running of the school.**

**HARRY: Or for the smooth doling out of the paychecks. Particularly hers.**

_Dumbledore nodded and left._

"_Now, where was I? Oh yeah. The reason why none of you can break the spell is simple. My full name is Melody Tarmaine." She again rolled her eyes at the shocked and awe-filled looks she received._

**HERMIONE: If she doesn't like all the attention and shock she gets from the students when she reveals her identity, why is she so bent on keeping it secret for each class?**

"_Now I'll remove the spell." Waving her wand, the spell was broken and everyone looked at her in awe._

"_Dumbledore must be going mad to have hired someone our age." A whisper echoed through the class. "My father will soon get rid of him, the old coot." _

_Mel's eyes narrowed at Malfoy. "Mr Malfoy! You will show respect towards the Headmaster."_

**HERMIONE: Yeah, just like you did by demeaning him before his students and lessening his power in their eyes.**

"_And if I don't? I could probably teach better than you." He sneered._

"_Really? Then why couldn't you break the spell before? I saw you trying, yet you didn't manage." Mel returned._

_Malfoy bristled. "Stupid bitch." He spat._

_Mel's eyes glowed darkly as she flicked her wand in his direction, causing him to fly across the classroom._

**HARRY: Whatever happened to not hurting students? Isn't there some sort of _law_ against physical abuse as a punishment?**

"_Fifty points from Slytherin, Malfoy."_

_As Malfoy picked himself up, he glared at her. "My father shall hear about this."_

**HERMIONE: Well, at least Malfoy's in character. He's about the only one.**

**RON: Though honestly, he's not a hard one to write. A sneer, a snide remark, a reference to his all-powerful father, and you've got him!**

**HARRY: Don't forget his pale face and bright blond hair.**

**HERMIONE: And his rat-like features, though those tend to conveniently disappear whenever he's written as the protagonist.**

_Mel grinned ferally._

**HARRY: Oh, _that's_ attractive.**

"_Good. Tell daddy dearest. And make sure to send a message to him for me. Tell him to remember December the 7th, eight years ago. He should have an interesting reaction." She looked at the rest of the class. "Right, anymore objections? If so, please speak up now."_

"_Are you really the Unicorn?" A timid voice asked._

_Mel nodded and showed the mark on her hand. "Now, onto the lesson. I'm going to give you all an assignment, curtesy of Mr Malfoy over there." She pointed at Malfoy. "I want you to write a two scroll essay on either Voldemort or a Tom Marvolo Riddle. It will be due in on your next lesson. Also, you are not to discuss this assignment with anyone else. And to ensure that you don't." Mel waved her wand and the room glowed brightly. "This spell shall prevent you from talking about the assignment._

**HERMIONE: Okay, I'm pretty sure that's impossible.**

**RON: Besides, everyone could just pass notes around.**

_For those who write more than two scrolls, I shall hand out house points. Understood?" She waited for everyone's nods. "Now, you may leave, seeing as Mr Malfoy disrupted my lesson plan. Just be glad that I didn't say that you needed to catch up with whatever work you missed today." With that, she waved her hand, ushering them out._

_She watched, impassively as they all left, then looked curiously at Ron, Hermione and Harry._

"_Yes?" She asked._

"_Who gave you the right to cast those spells?" Hermione demanded._

_Mel's eyes hardened. "I gave myself the right._

**HERMIONE: Oh, never mind then. I wouldn't want to mess with _your _authority.**

_If you had acted like Mr. Potter, instead of like excitable children then I wouldn't have needed to cast the silencing charm. If Malfoy had given the Headmaster, and myself the respect we deserve then I wouldn't have found the need to throw him across the room, and the last spell is because I want to see how much independence you all have. Are my answers to your satisfaction, Miss Granger?" She asked sarcastically._

"_That still doesn't give…."_

"_Miss Granger. Who is the professor? I am. Who are the students? You are._

**HERMIONE: No _way_! You mean I've had it backwards all these years!**

_You are lucky that I explained my actions to you. Rarely do I do it. Now, unless you have something intelligent to say, I suggest you leave."_

_Hermione looked taken back. Not even Snape talked to her like that._

**HARRY: Because not even Snape is such a freaking—!**

**RON: Just a story, Harry. Calm down.**

"_Professor? May I ask why your patronus was a slightly golden colour?" Harry asked curiously._

_Mel laughed. "So you noticed that? That is an indication of my power and how much of it I was using. Miss Granger, don't even think of interrupting."_

**HERMIONE: Oh, you horrible—you foul—you arrogant—**

**RON: _Fanfiction_, Hermione. _Not real_.**

**HARRY: But she's worse than Umbridge!**

**:The screen goes suddenly blank, plunging the room into temporary darkness. There is a click, and the naked bulb overhead again comes to life, revealing Alvilda standing by the switch.:**

**HERMIONE: Is it over? Oh, please say it's over!**

**ALVILDA: Not quite, though you're easily more than halfway there. I just thought you could use a break from the irritation before you started ripping the screen apart.**

**HARRY: Where on earth did you _find_ that monstrosity?**

**HERMIONE: The pits of hell, I'm sure. How long of a break do we get?**

**RON: And can it never end? I really won't mind a bit if I never see another word of that abomination.**

**ALVILDA: Your break will be sufficient, but you _will_ be finishing this story, I assure you.**

**HERMIONE: Oh good. I feel so assured.**

**ALVILDA: Cute wordplay only shortens your break time, missy. There are refreshments and such in the next room, if you'll follow me…**

**:Following at the heels of the dread pirate, the trio happily leaves the room—and the terrible fanfiction—behind.:**


End file.
